I can't make you lose weight, the harsh truth | The Fitness Asylum

I can’t make you lose weight, the harsh truth


“I can’t make you love me
I can’t make you love me, if you don’t.
I can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.

By Bonnie Raitt

Great song. Great message. (a sad one but liberating in some ways)

The point I am trying to make is that I can’t make you want to lose weight.

I can’t make you want to fit into your clothes;
I can’t make you FEEL motivated.

What I can do is give you the tools. I can show you the doorway, but YOU MUST CHOOSE to walk through it.

Weight loss and weight loss maintenance is all about having the CONFIDENCE, inner drive, and personal integrity to hold yourself accountable to promises you make- to YOURSELF

Believe me, I am not trying to make anyway feel *bad* or *guilty*, because as illustrated above I cannot make you FEEL anything.

You are 100% in charge of your feelings, your actions and your results. You are.

Bummer I know – because it’s so much easier to say that someone else made you feel bad, or caused you to fail.

But we have to own our own shit. And I learn this lesson ALL THE TIME. Feelings are legit. Feelings are OUR RIGHT – but how often are feelings getting in the way of progress?

Way too often.

If you are not FEELING successful (and or just not having success) it’s time to look more closely at why


You fear change and as much as you think you want to lose weight.

Truth is, You don’t actually want too!

You are petrified what that will really be like. The attention you will draw, how you will feel about your body and people commenting on it or noticing you….and your body…

You don’t TRUST THE PROCESS (or me- or the other 1000 people before you).

You just won’t let yourself try something new and you keep falling back into old habits.
Fat-free foods, frozen foods, no foods etc….

You listen to too many different people – “experts” friends, your old trainer, your mom etc….

There’s a saying about too many cooks in the kitchen… and also you can’t ride 2 horses with one ass. Pick a direction and go with it.

No one knows your body as well as you do, and if you made the choice that was best based on your assessment, no one can really fight that. So just tell them to stay in their own body. Just saying.

You are too caught up in comparing yourself to everyone else.

Even comparing yourself to celebrities on the cover of People magazine. Stop comparing and start living YOUR life. Compare yourself only to you. Can you improve on you each week? Each month?

As soon as something goes “wrong” you jump off the bridge.

You are way too black and white and need to find some peace with being gray. Lifestyle = lifetime.
Diet = short duration. In order to be successful, you need to be able to roll with the punches.

You are unhappy in OTHER areas of your life and it’s manifesting itself in your weight.

You need to deal with that BIG PINK ELEPHANT in the room and get that squared away. Maybe it’s an unrewarding job, relationship woes, depression, etc… losing weight will not make those things go away, and more times than not you can’t lose weight until you deal with those issues.

It’s more fun to be miserable and have drama and pretend to not care about your weight or your health. Harsh? Maybe – but we know these people.
Being negative is on you – and keeps you from reaching your goals.

And you can change it. I am not going to life coach you (maybe one day) but for now, take some time to look at YOUR STORY.

What are YOUR FEELINGS about your weight/weight loss journey that you hold onto?

Our stories have no power once we recognize them and decide that we do want something different because YOU have the power to change any story in your life.

Success can start anytime you are ready. ( YOU ARE READY )

Every day is a new day and truly just take one day at a time, that’s the best we can do at any given time.

So while walking around singing “I can’t make you love me” is not a great upbeat song to start FEELING motivated – here is one that is on my go-to list:

A masterpiece by Jessie J:


Losing weight doesn’t have to be a struggle or battle, our Body Challenge program gives you the knowledge you need to make real lasting changes.

One of the most powerful ways to change is to surround yourself with others with similar goals- ones who can help you when these limiting beliefs can become overwhelming. Our challenge gives you that community- you are not alone in this!

Click here for more information on the Body Challenge


Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as typical. This training is not intended to treat, cure or prevent any disease.